When Forgiveness Isn’t Easy

 

We must receive God’s forgiveness! But He also tells us we must learn to forgive—even when it hurts. These concepts can help.

It’s not easy being a Christian.

But then, it wasn’t easy being Christ either. Who among us could function as well as He did, living in a world where the sinners for whom He came to die were the very ones who would kill Him! Even more amazing, as He was literally sacrificing His life, He uttered with a love and mercy we can scarcely imagine this incredible statement: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do” (Luke 23:34).

Anyone who genuinely repents and seeks God’s blessing of forgiveness to cover his or her sins must enter into a commitment to walk in His steps, to follow His example. And sooner or later, that walk will lead you to one of life’s toughest challenges: “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors” (Matthew 6:12).

Many people have mouthed these words from “the Lord’s Prayer” without really dedicating themselves to actually living by them. Perhaps sensing that human tendency, after finishing this sample prayer, Jesus immediately revisited and elaborated on the weightiness of forgiveness.

“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (verses 14-15). Yes, it’s that important to God!

Many trespasses are relatively easy to forgive. But what about the tough ones—when you have been terribly abused or hurt in some way, when the pain runs so deep that it’s easier to think about revenge or punishment than forgiveness?

Sin hurts people, and in a world full of sin, it’s almost inevitable that at some point we will face the spiritually tough task of trying to forgive someone with the same sincerity Jesus displayed.

God does not lay the impossible upon us—only what is right. He also promises to help us in our struggles to do what is right.

Here are three concepts to consider that may help you in your quest to do the right thing in God’s sight: to forgive when it’s really hard.

1. Hard work, time and repetition

For humans, forgiveness is often a process that requires hard work, time and repetition. We often fall short of God’s ability to say, “You are forgiven,” and have it be so—“As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:12).

We may say that we have forgiven someone and sincerely mean it at the time, but we find that memories of the hurt crop up again and again and, with them, renewed hard feelings. It takes time—maybe weeks, months or years—and repeatedly working through the same process until the desired forgiveness settles permanently into our minds.

I once knew someone who had been deeply wounded emotionally due to enduring a long-term abusive situation. Long after extracting herself from that relationship, she grappled, understandably, with resentment. However, she also understood that resentment would grow into bitterness; and bitterness, into hatred, which, in the end, would only destroy her. Forgiveness was the only way out.

Years later she related to me how it had taken her five years—five years!—of working at it, asking God often for help to be able to forgive and not be bitter. One day, she said, she just realized, “It’s gone!” It was as though the bitterness had finally drained away and she had truly forgiven her tormenter.

This happened only because she worked hard spiritually. She knew it was the right thing to do, and she persisted. At no time did she say, “Well, this forgiveness thing just doesn’t work for me.” She kept at it, kept seeking God’s help, because she knew it was the right thing to do!

It’s easier to harbor resentment than it is to cultivate love.The process of sorting through anger and hurt and coming to the point of forgiving may take a lot of repetition and effort. It’s easier to harbor resentment than it is to cultivate love.

God says to us: “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31-32).

Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Yes! As this lady told me, through forgiveness she now lived with great peace of mind.

2. Forget about “forgive and forget”

We create a virtually insurmountable problem for ourselves when we believe God expects us to “forgive and forget.”

Forgiving is not the same thing as forgetting. Only God in His perfection has the capacity to not remember. As He says in Hebrews 8:12 and 10:17, “their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more.”

Yet I have talked with people burdened by carrying vivid memories of the sins of others and concluding, “I must not have forgiven them, because if I had, I would have forgotten about it.”

Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to forget a lot of the hurts in life? Maybe. But God in His wisdom created us with memory, intending that we learn how to use it to our advantage.

In fact, in numerous places in the Bible He tells us to remember, and some of those are painful recollections. For example, five times in Deuteronomy He told the Israelites to “remember that you were a slave.” Remembering their days of brutal slavery, which included the killing of their children, had to be terribly painful!

Why would God put their minds on that again? So they would not forget how He saved them! “Remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the LORD your God brought you out from there by a mighty hand and by an outstretched arm” (Deuteronomy 5:15).

“Remember that you were a slave in Egypt, and you shall be careful to observe these statutes” (Deuteronomy 16:12). God’s purpose wasn’t to resurrect painful memories, but to help them learn the great lessons in life and to be careful to do what He said.

So if, in the process of striving to forgive others of their trespasses against you, you find yourself spending time dwelling on the past, that doesn’t necessarily mean you lack forgiveness.

The good news is that with true forgiveness, in time the memories of bad experiences often grow dimmer, simply because the painful wounds are no longer so easily irritated.

But does that mean you will never remember those things? Sometimes situations in life arise and memories of past, hurtful events jump back into our minds.

Whether that is good or bad depends on what we do with that memory. We may flare up emotionally, get angry again or get depressed. That’s when we have to walk back once again through the forgiveness process that we’ve been through before.

On the other hand, memory—even bad memories—can be turned into a great tool that keeps us on the straight and narrow.

For example, the apostle Paul stated in Philippians 3:13, “One thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead.” The funny thing is, just a few verses earlier in the same chapter he wrote in detail about horrible things in his past, such as persecuting members of the Church—things he now considered the garbage of his life!

So had he truly forgotten “those things which are behind”? Obviously not. What he meant here is that his memories of the past motivated him to serve God, and thus he was always able to move on with his life. Memories weren’t gone, but he could tell himself, “Forget about it! It’s done; it’s over!”

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you never look back in memory, but it means you put it in its proper place. Don’t struggle with the impossible—to forgive and forget. Just forgive, and God will help you to be able to benefit from visiting the past without living in it.

3. The “forgive yourself” fallacy

What about the situations where the one who has caused you such great hurt is … you! Many people have struggled with the idea, “I know God has forgiven me, but I just can’t forgive myself.”

Interestingly, nowhere in Scripture are we told that we have to learn to forgive ourselves. That’s really a modern self-help philosophy. What God does tell us is simply this:

1. Repent and change; stop doing the things you’re doing wrong.
2. When you have repented, realize you are forgiven by God, and He has paid for and buried your past sins.
3. Then strive to forgive others as you’ve been forgiven in order to take on the mind and character of God.

God beautifully designed this process to heal us emotionally and spiritually. The key is not to forgive ourselves, but to accept the truth—accept that you are forgiven.

Remember what we read earlier in Philippians 3 about Paul’s persecuting the Church—notice he never said, “I just can’t forgive myself.” No, he recognized that he was forgiven.

We don’t make ourselves okay—God makes us okay! Every one of us carries regrets from our past—but we can never justify ourselves in some way that will undo it, rectify it and make everything as though it never happened. Only God can. Only God can forgive us.

And when He does, isn’t that good enough? Let’s not try to make ourselves bigger than God by saying, “He can forgive me, but I can’t forgive myself.” The issue is not forgiving ourselves, but accepting that we are forgiven.

Accepting God’s forgiveness is the only way to clear our path to move forward with our lives.

To forgive, divine

The English poet Alexander Pope’s famous line, “To err is human; to forgive, divine,” captures an important concept—forgiveness is based on a divine, or godly, model of behavior. Through our sins we crucified Christ, and yet God offers to forgive us. Then He tells us to extend the same graciousness to others.

Is it sometimes nearly impossibly hard? Yes. Can it be done? Yes, through His divine help. May these three points help you in the process.

Passover and Forgiveness

 

The New Testament Passover service is one of the most personal of all the Christian festivals. It also teaches a great lesson in forgiveness.

The biblical Passover is a yearly reminder of when God passed over the houses of Israel and spared their firstborn from death. The Israelites had been slaves to the Egyptians for quite a number of years before God, working through Moses, led them out of Egypt to freedom from bondage.

But something important for us to note is that after Israel was freed from the bondage of the Egyptians, they entered into a covenant with God—to obey and serve Him (Exodus 24:3-8). By entering into this covenant and coming under God’s authority, they became His servants. As God said, “For the children of Israel are servants to Me; they are My servants whom I brought out of the land of Egypt” (Leviticus 25:55).

Lesson for us today

Israel, however, didn’t faithfully follow God, but continued to break His laws. As we look back to that time, we can see there is a lesson for us today: After we are freed from the bondage of sin, we are also to become servants of God!

This is explained in Romans 6:16-18, 22: “Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one’s slaves whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to righteousness? But God be thanked that though you were slaves of sin, yet you obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine to which you were delivered. And having been set free from sin, you became slaves of righteousness. … But now having been set free from sin, and having become slaves of God, you have your fruit to holiness, and the end, everlasting life.”

On another occasion, Paul spoke of himself and Timothy as “bondservants of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:1). And he encouraged all Christians to think of themselves as “bondservants” of Christ (Ephesians 6:6-8).

To those of us who are living under the New Covenant, the Passover is not only a yearly reminder of the time when God released Israel from bondage in Egypt but, more importantly, a time to reflect upon the ultimate sacrifice of God’s Son and our Savior, Jesus Christ, who released us from the bondage of sin.

To truly be freed from a life of bondage to sin, we must accept the sacrifice of our Savior Jesus Christ. Only by His shed blood, the blood of the New Covenant, can we have our sins forgiven and become the bondservants of God and Christ (1 John 1:7).

What Jesus did

On the night before His crucifixion, Jesus gave His disciples the symbols of the New Covenant while sharing the Passover meal with them. Matthew, Mark, Luke and, later, the apostle Paul each wrote about these symbols in connection with Passover.

Paul’s account in 1 Corinthians 11:23-26 states, “For I received from the Lord that which I also delivered to you: that the Lord Jesus on the same night in which He was betrayed took bread; and when He had given thanks, He broke it and said, ‘Take, eat; this is My body which is broken for you; do this in remembrance of Me.’ In the same manner He also took the cup after supper, saying, ‘This cup is the new covenant in My blood. This do, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of Me.’ For as often as you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death till He comes.”

Jesus often used physical things to teach spiritual truths, which His disciples frequently misunderstood. An example is when He told His disciples to “beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and Sadducees” (Matthew 16:6). The disciples thought that Jesus was talking about bread, so Christ had to explain that He was actually referring to the doctrine of the Pharisees and Sadducees (verses 11-12).

When Jesus introduced the New Covenant Passover symbols, He gave them to His disciples and then explained the spiritual meaning. He took bread, broke it, told them to eat it and explained to them that it represented His body. In a similar fashion, He took a cup of wine, telling them all to take a drink from it because it represented His blood of the New Covenant.

Foot washing

Jesus also introduced another new aspect of the New Testament Passover service: the foot washing.

John records: “Jesus … rose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel and girded Himself. After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded. Then He came to Simon Peter. And Peter said to Him, ‘Lord, are You washing my feet?’ Jesus answered and said to him, ‘What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this.’ Peter said to Him, ‘You shall never wash my feet!’ Jesus answered him, ‘If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me’” (John 13:3-8).

The foot-washing ceremony pictures the humility and service a Christian must practice. It also teaches us about our personal relationship with Jesus Christ—because Christ said that we have “no part” in Him if we neglect the foot washing.

Peter definitely wanted to have a part with Christ, so he said to Jesus: “Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head!” (verse 9). Basically, Peter was telling Jesus to not just wash his feet, but to wash him all over. To this request, Jesus answered Peter, “He who is bathed needs only to wash his feet, but is completely clean” (verse 10).

Jesus knew this was the final Passover He would observe with His disciples. He knew that His hour had come and that it was time for Him to die for the sins of the world. So He told Peter and, by extension, us today, “If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me” (John 13:8).

Forgiveness

Following Christ’s example with His disciples, before we partake of the symbols of the bread and wine, members of the Church of God wash one another’s feet, symbolizing our need to be humble and serving.

John 13:12-15 continues, “So when He had washed their feet, taken His garments, and sat down again, He said to them, ‘Do you know what I have done to you? You call Me Teacher and Lord, and you say well, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you.’”

For many spiritual reasons, we are to wash each other’s feet. Not only does it remind us that Jesus Christ set us an example in all things, especially in how we are to treat and serve one another; but it also reminds us how to love one another—and love requires us to be forgiving.So, what was it that Jesus had just done to His disciples? He washed their feet. It was an act of humility with an attitude of service. He then instructed them to also wash one another’s feet—so that they would have that same humble approach toward their fellow disciples. And, by extension, one of the ways Christ’s disciples are to serve others is by loving them and forgiving them—because Christ has forgiven all of us.

Even in His instructions about prayer, Jesus said: “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15). So we find that God will forgive our sins on the condition that we will forgive others.

For many spiritual reasons, we are to wash each other’s feet. Not only does it remind us that Jesus Christ set us an example in all things, especially in how we are to treat and serve one another; but it also reminds us how to love one another—and love requires us to be forgiving.

The example of Jesus

With this in mind, let’s consider the fact that shortly after Jesus spoke these words, He was taken captive, tried and put to death. Notice what Jesus said just before His death: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do” (Luke 23:34).

Christ’s example of forgiving even the men who were torturing and killing Him is perhaps one of His hardest examples to follow. Yet we read that Stephen was strong enough to follow Christ’s lead. “And they stoned Stephen as he was calling on God and saying, ‘Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.’ Then he knelt down and cried out with a loud voice, ‘Lord, do not charge them with this sin.’ And when he had said this, he fell asleep” (Acts 7:59-60). Stephen followed Christ’s example perfectly!

Our challenge today is to follow Christ’s example and to be willing to forgive others—even when they abuse and mistreat us. This doesn’t mean that we must accept or condone abuse; but it does mean that we choose not to hold a grudge or hard feelings toward anyone. We can do this knowing that eventually God will judge everyone for his or her actions (Romans 14:10; 2 Corinthians 5:10).

The Passover is truly one of the most personal of all the Christian festivals. At the New Testament Passover, we are reminded of Christ’s shed blood and broken body for our personal sins and take part in one of the most humbling ceremonies possible—the foot washing.

Forgiving Yourself?

 

Does God want us to be mired in guilt and regrets, or does He provide a way out of them? What do you need to know about forgiving yourself?

Our past deeds can sometimes weigh very heavily on us. There is no way to travel back in time to undo things we have done in the past, though many of us wish we could.

The apostle Paul’s regrets

Even the great apostle Paul looked at his past with great regret. “For I am the least of the apostles, who am not worthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God” (1 Corinthians 15:9).

Paul wrote these words about 20 years after his persecution of the early Christians, and they indicate that he had by no means forgotten his shameful and destructive actions as a young man. The Bible record shows us that Paul left that life behind and went on to lead a much more constructive and productive life. And, as we will see, he had much to say about forgiveness and not remaining stuck in feelings of guilt.

What can we do when guilt and regret about our past actions keep us from moving on with our lives as we should? How can we learn to leave those things behind and move forward? The Bible doesn’t speak in terms of forgiving ourselves, but it does give a blueprint to follow in freeing ourselves of past guilt and regaining mental health.

We can start by realizing that forgiving, whether it involves forgiving others or forgiving ourselves, is not about condoning wrong actions. It is not about a lack of accountability. It involves understanding that God forgives sinners who turn from their sins and turn to Him, and that God then allows and wants them to move forward.

Manasseh’s guilt

The life of Manasseh, king of Judah, is very instructive about how God views a repentant sinner. Manasseh was the son of righteous King Hezekiah, who was generally considered to be one of the best kings of Judah. Manasseh, on the other hand, was considered to be among the worst. Ironically, his reign over Judah was the longest of any of the kings—55 years!

The Bible lists some of the evil deeds of King Manasseh in 2 Chronicles 33. Verse 2 begins by telling us that Manasseh did evil things in God’s sight. He rebuilt the sites of pagan worship that had been torn down by his father (verse 3). He sacrificed his own children in idol worship and consulted mediums (verse 6). He set up an idol in the temple of God (verse 7).

Verse 9 finishes by saying that Manasseh seduced the people of Judah to do more evil than the pagan surrounding nations had done. That is a terrible indictment!

According to the Jewish historian Josephus, Manasseh was responsible for a great deal of bloodshed among those who tried to follow God: “For by setting out from a contempt of God, he barbarously slew all the righteous men that were among the Hebrews; nor would he spare the prophets, for he every day slew some of them, till Jerusalem was overflown with blood” (Antiquities of the Jews, p. 214).

It is hard to imagine having a more guilt-ridden past than Manasseh!

In time God caused the nation to be taken into captivity by the Assyrians and Manasseh to be carried away in chains (2 Chronicles 33:11). Finally, Manasseh took stock of his actions and repented of his sins (verse 12).

What was God’s response, after the enormity of Manasseh’s sins and wickedness? He saw Manasseh’s change of heart and heard his cries. He “received his entreaty” and restored Manasseh to the throne in Jerusalem (verse 13). Manasseh demonstrated his genuine change of heart by destroying the places of idol worship and rebuilding the altar of God (verses 15-16).

Even the sins of Manasseh were not too great to be forgiven by God!

Forgiveness from God comes first!

We need to first seek the forgiveness of God, as shown by Manasseh’s example. The common denominator among people being forgiven by God, no matter how deplorable their deeds might have been, is repentance (turning from their sins and turning to God).

The Bible describes Manasseh’s repentance: “Now when he was in affliction, he implored the LORD his God, and humbled himself greatly before the God of his fathers” (2 Chronicles 33:12).

Repentance involves sorrow for past deeds and turning from them to live life differently. In the words of the apostle Paul, “Truly, these times of ignorance God overlooked, but now commands all men everywhere to repent” (Acts 17:30). Paul goes on to say that God has appointed a day when He will judge the entire world.

God’s opinion of us is what will ultimately matter, and He is willing to forgive if we repent. Understanding that should help us move on with our lives, regardless of what we may have done in the past. (For more information about repentance before God, see the article “How to Repent.”)

When we have repented of our sins, God not only forgives them, He also removes them from us. Knowing this is the vital starting point for forgiving yourself.When we have repented of our sins, God not only forgives them, He also removes them from us. Knowing this is the vital starting point for forgiving yourself.

Psalm 103:11-12 explains this wonderful truth about God’s forgiveness: “For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.”

God’s mercy toward us gives us all the chance to move forward in our lives with a clean slate!

The problem with guilt

Guilt can be a healthy emotion to alert us to the fact that we have made mistakes, and we need to make changes in the way we treat others or changes in the way we live our lives. But if we hang on to feelings of guilt after repentance and after making needed changes, it can become an unhealthy emotion.

Merriam-Webster’s Medical Dictionary gives this definition of guilt: “Feelings of culpability especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy: morbid self-reproach often manifest in marked preoccupation with the moral correctness of one’s behavior.”

Hanging on to feelings of guilt (whether the offenses are real or imagined) can prevent you from forgiving yourself and moving on with living a productive life. It is important to establish whose opinion really matters and to know how God views us. The apostle Paul explained that God “has appointed a day on which He will judge the world in righteousness by the Man whom He has ordained. He has given assurance of this to all by raising Him from the dead” (Acts 17:31).

There will be a time for all of us to answer to God and to be judged by Him. For those who are being called today, the time of giving account and being judged is now (1 Peter 4:17). God has made it possible for us to be forgiven of our sins and reconciled to Him by the death of Jesus Christ, through repentance and baptism. (For further information about this, see the article “What Is Baptism?”)

When we have truly repented and been baptized, we are forgiven completely and reconciled to God. Notice Colossians 1:21-22: “And you, who once were alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now He has reconciled in the body of His flesh through death, to present you holy, and blameless, and above reproach in His sight.”

When God has forgiven us and reconciled us to Himself by the death of His Son, there is no reason to hang on to guilty feelings about anything in our past!

In the words of the apostle Paul: “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31).

Moving forward

When we have repented of our sins, been baptized and made the necessary changes in our lives, it is time to leave the past behind and move forward. Even after baptism we will always need to be aware of the times we fall short, and we will always have a need to repent of sin when it enters our lives. Our focus, though, should be forward-looking, and we should bear in mind that when God forgives sins, He forgives completely and desires to see us move on.

An encouraging passage from the book of Jeremiah is repeated in the book of Hebrews: “‘This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, says the LORD: I will put My laws into their hearts, and in their minds I will write them,’ then He adds, ‘Their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more’” (Hebrews 10:16-17).

What about the concept of forgiving yourself? The Bible has shown us that the path to follow is to repent before God, change the path we’re on and be assured that when God forgives, He removes us from our transgressions.

Consider one more passage from the apostle Paul: “Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press forward toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:13-14).

Read more about God’s incredible gift of forgiveness in the article “What Is Forgiveness?”

How to Forgive

 

Learning how to forgive is not only the right thing to do, it is the healthy thing to do. It can also be difficult. But harboring resentment can destroy us.

“To err is human; to forgive, divine” (Alexander Pope). This sounds good in theory, but what about serious trespasses? Can we learn how to forgive those?

Forgiving someone who has hurt or offended us is not the natural human reaction. The natural reaction is to harbor resentment and, sometimes, to try to get even. But learning how to forgive is not only the right thing to do, it is the healthy thing to do. It is also difficult in many cases.

Forgiving someone else boils down to a choice for each of us. Actually choosing to forgive others can be a very challenging thing to do, and it requires thought about some basic concepts. The following ideas can help you learn how to forgive.

Forgiving helps to heal our own human emotions

Forgiving others does not just help to heal their emotional wounds. It helps you in healing yours. According to an article on the Mayo Clinic website, the following benefits can be reaped through forgiveness:

“Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for compassion, kindness and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:

• Healthier relationships
• Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
• Less anxiety, stress and hostility
• Lower blood pressure
• Fewer symptoms of depression
• Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse.”

Letting go of old resentments and ill will frees you mentally to go on with your life, embracing positive emotions and experiences.

For more information on how to let go of resentment and grudges, read our blog post “How to Hold a Grudge (and Stay Unhappy the Rest of Your Life).”

Realize that forgiving does not mean that injustice will go unpunished

Forgiving is not synonymous with excusing wrong or hurtful actions on the part of others, and it does not mean that injustice will go unpunished forever. God is the One who ultimately decides what is fair and when justice will be done.

Consider this statement from 2 Corinthians 5:10: “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive the things done in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad.”

In the short term, things often seem unfair. The old saying “cheaters never prosper” often does not ring true when we observe the actions of others around us. And when people do us wrong, God does not want us to take vengeance or retribution on them.

Notice the instruction Paul gave us in Romans 12:18-19: “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.”

The fact is that God is patient and does not mete out punishment the instant a wrong is done. Note this statement from Matthew 5:45: “That you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.”

In His own time and manner, God will righteously judge all for their actions. When we choose to forgive another person, it does not condone wrong or hurtful actions, it just means that we have chosen to let go, move on with our lives and leave things in God’s hands.

Learning how to forgive is the right thing to do

Jesus Christ’s teachings constantly point us toward forgiving others for their offenses against us. When Peter asked how many times he should forgive someone, he asked if he should forgive seven times. Presumably Peter may have thought that number was more than adequate.

Christ responded by telling Peter to forgive “seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:21-22). The clear principle is that we should be willing to go on forgiving, and that there are no limits on how many times we should forgive.

In another passage, Christ gave the parable of the unforgiving servant. The account is found in Matthew 18:23-35. In the parable, there is a servant who is unable to repay a very large debt, so his master commands that he be sold into slavery, along with his family, in order to repay it. The servant begs for mercy and receives it (verses 23-27). Upon being forgiven, however, the servant goes out to ruthlessly collect much smaller debts owed to him, showing no mercy at all (verses 28-31).

Christ gave His own sinless life to forgive our sins! And while He was dying at the hands of His persecutors, He cried out to the Father asking Him to “forgive them, for they do not know what they do.”In verses 32-33, the master pronounces his judgment on this servant who didn’t learn how to forgive: “Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?”’ The master then had him delivered to “the torturers” until all his debts could be paid.

Jesus Christ’s example of forgiving

Christ gave His own sinless life to forgive our sins! And while He was dying at the hands of His persecutors, He cried out to the Father asking Him to “forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” This was a profound statement and example for all of us!

Many times, people cause harm without really thinking or knowing it was wrong. If a person really knew it was wrong to cause offense, he or she would have most likely not committed the act.

Notice what Paul wrote to the Corinthians after Christ’s resurrection: “But we speak the wisdom of God in a mystery, the hidden wisdom which God ordained before the ages for our glory, which none of the rulers of this age knew; for had they known, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory” (1 Corinthians 2:7-8).

The truth of God is hidden from most people today, and the values and morals of God are not understood by most. So, a very important step in the forgiveness process is to follow Christ’s example: “Forgive them, for they do not know what they do.”

Ephesians 4:31-32 summarizes this very well: “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”

Realize that harboring anger and resentment can destroy you

Here is another quote from the Mayo Clinic website about the destructiveness of harboring anger and refusing to forgive:

“If you’re unforgiving, you might pay the price repeatedly by bringing anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Your life might become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can’t enjoy the present.”

Paul tells us in the book of Ephesians that anger can give Satan a chance to work on our minds if we do not forgive and let go:

“‘Be angry, and do not sin’: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil” (Ephesians 4:25-26). Paul is quoting from Psalm 4:4 in this passage: “Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still.” Do not let anger control you!

The healthy mind chooses to let go of negative emotions and anger.

Choose to forgive!

Forgiving comes down to a matter of personal choice. Many people choose not to forgive because they have the feeling that the wrongdoing will go unpunished or because an injustice will never be righted if something is not done about it.

In fact, if you refuse to forgive and move on, you may actually punish yourself more than what the offending party has done to you. Consider the benefits and positive outcomes described above, and do yourself a favor. Choose to forgive!